Witless Relocation Program

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Happy C*ckblogging Wednesday


Interesting twist and a little freckle. I wouldn't kick him out of bed.
Happy CBW!

NEWSFLASH - 40 somethings are lonely

I was reading an article the other day with the oh-so-standard poll taken. It seems that people in their 40's are lonely. DUH! I find myself so lonely at times I want to stab myself with a fork just to snap myself out of being self-pitying and depressing.

It's kind of an interesting observation - most of my friends are lonely yet they refuse to admit to it, and they run around furiously busy with thing to keep their minds off the reality of their situation, or block their loneliness with overindulgence. Most are married, and I don't believe most have tremendously stable relationships with their husbands. When I was little, I had succumbed to the fairy tale that when you got married your husband became your best friend, pal around town, confidante, and lover.... Well that image has been blown to hell by who I have dated (my own fault - I chose them) and what I have observed of other relationships. I can understand that no man wants to go shopping for half the day or talk with you about how your mother pisses you off for the umpteenth time that week (rehashing old crap); however, I can hope if I ever do marry, that he will be my best friend with limits placed on the rehashing thing. I know men try to fix things and rehashing drives them batty since they will never be able to fix something you are trying to process through or may not be ready to fix yet.

In other annoying developments, I've been flirting with a married guy at work that I am somewhat attracted to and another married one is following me around looking at me like a starving dog looks at a porkchop. Why the heck can't I find a decent single guy to talk to? The flirting at work will stay only flirting, nothing more - I wouldn't do that to anyone's wife, plus I deserve so much more (and I think I have been thumped by the cosmos enough, thank you very much). I know that I am flirting to entertain myself and pass the time in a crappy boring job and I am not ready to go back into the big bad world of dating (spare me that crapfest).

There are so many reasons I don't want to go back to dating:
1) I don't enjoy being looked over, like a piece of meat, by idiots I wouldn't give cross the street to pee on if they were on fire.
2) I don't enjoy being confronted with my own shallowness - I can't stand bad teeth, stupidity, or pot-bellies (yes, I am not perfect myself since I am chunky but I do have my limits, as most people do), and quite frankly, I am too old and tired to do the "perfecting myself before I date" thing.
3) I recall obsessing about every bit of fat on my body, my smaller breasts, wrinkle, pore, and lack of color in my pale skin and I do not wish to do that again. I fully understand that your first 10 seconds with anyone are about assessing them physically and I don't stack up anymore physically (part of me doesn't care and is quite freed by this but on the other hand, then the more unaccepting part yells at me daily).
4) I also have a problem with my job - I derive my value as having a career that challenges, stimulates, and excites me. My present position does none of these but I am looking for ways to change this.


Now the war of the internal worlds is working on an argument for losing weight for the 300th time. My internal critic tells me that nobody will date me or love me as I am, plus I may become diabetic so I must lose weight (and on top of that after I lose the weight I might look like a Sharpei but it's my own damn fault).... My internal nuturing voice tells me that I do need to eat better more often and start to exercise and I'll feel better about myself plus I probably won't have that much loose skin and by that time will be in a better job so I can afford a bit of nipping and tucking, so all will be well.

We'll see how all this mess pans out.... I do know one thing for sure, I am too old for this crap!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


That's what I'm talking 'bout...Very Merry CBW!

Monday, April 17, 2006

Black Robbers

For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's take on this: (And it's a true story...) on a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she Wanted to stash the quarters in her room. "I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall...very tall...an intimidating figure. The woman froze and her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered, and ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind but gosh, they had to know what she was thinking!!!

Her hesitation about joining them in the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator. Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely,"Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button." The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my friend here to hit the floor," said the average sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing. The woman thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening. As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses.
Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.



The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."

It was signed;
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan

Just something for ya'll to think about, laugh about, etc.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Happy CBW!!! Here's looking at you, upside-down and with my cock out, kids.


Okay, you all know the drill - I am either too lazy or too busy to post anything with a paragraph...Discuss amongst yourselves or drop me some email about how pissy you are that I haven't written. :P

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


Happy CBW!

Light reading

I was doing a bit of reading the other night - blogs and a book about economics. I found that being a fat woman is basically the kiss of death romantically and financially. I really did know this in the fore and the back of my mind but reading it in black and white really does slam this into my face and I can't ignore it...I can simply understand that I am not psychologically ready to get rid of the extra weight and it did get put on so I could have a physical restrainer (since I couldn't fend well or intelligently for myself) from the opposite sex and have a time out.

The only problem is I am not sure that I know how to fix what's broken other than to journal my feelings and then try to trust myself again slowly. I know that therapy doesn't really help - the patient actually has the epiphany on their own, not because of some great big lightbulb that the therapist turns on over your head. Journalling can be much more introspective than talking to a therapist ever is, so the problem would lie in me being so terrified of being a "normal" size again. I really don't know if I can trust myself not to be a stupid little scared mouse who doesn't speak up for herself again - and that pisses me off and frightens me more than anything else than anything else ever could.

Ironic, I used to love being invisible or being ignored in the beginning of the weight gain but now I find it more and more irritating. I think I am missing the attention and am missing interaction and affection from the opposite sex as well. I truly am beginning to hate being the "big sister," "person to kiss ass with to get into her hot friend's pants," or "girl that you talk to more than you will ever admit to your buddies who obviously doesn't have any real feelings since she's fat." I am a person and have feelings and emotions no matter what my size is, and much like when I got thin when I was a teen, I feel the time coming closer for me to shed some weight. Also much like when I was a teen, if you couldn't find a way to talk to me before I lost the weight I am sure I will find I have no need to talk to you after I lose the weight. Yeeeesssss, this is petty, but once snubbed I don't forget - still the same person but now I look amazing and you want to chat or try to smug up on me, uh sorry, I have an appointment and have to run (and amazingly so, I will always have to run if you come toward me to talk). So, judge not on one shallow level lest ye be judged.

Oh, the main blog I read was the hot librarian and she mentioned the "Ladder Theory" (in a passing comment). I googled the "Ladder Theory." What I found was that I am in the undateable/unfuckable rung directly at the bottom of the ladder, as far as men are concerned (again, not news but now pissing me off a bit) - which is just above naval lint but not considered as intelligent or entertaining. I also read "Freakonomics" and found that fat chicks don't earn as much money as their smaller counterparts and being fat is the kiss of death romantically (again, no new news just new irritation). Yay me! In a few shorts months of overeating I have effectively screwed myself financially, emotionally, and romantically - I bet Mom is proud of me, 'cause I sure am. *sigh*

Oh well, back to eating smaller portions and exercising (which I don't find enjoyable since I can't find any decent aerobic tapes that incorporate dance like the instructor I had in college did in her aerobic classes). I guess I have to get back to the gym and start using the old discman I have and burn some CD's that inspire me to walk on that boring elliptical machine.

Anybody have any good suggestions for music to keep me entertained while walking? Any comments are welcome!

=)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

SAD - single's awareness day


M

y friend




found this phrase in another blog as a reference to V-day (or what can be called "just one more day being single is glaringly unnatural," according to Hallmark and most all your coupled-up friends) which I thought was very clever. If anyone knows which site this is, please tell me so I can give the person who thought up this phrase due credit.


I am missing having someone in my life but I remember how many someone's who weren't really in my life (or the square-ones-I-tried-fitting-in-the-round-hole by use of a sledgehammer, as they could be referred to) who I have had who had only served to make me even more lonely. The second most saddening thing, for me, is having someone in your life and feeling more lonely than if you were alone.

I would like to have a man in my life with whom that I have things in common (for a change). I'd like to have a man who doesn't think I am ditsy (even if I am from time to time - I blame the blood-sugar drop for this...heehee) and instead finds me cute. I'd like a man who isn't cruel (unlike the moron who ran his Sports Illustrated swim models tape for me as a "surprise" because I was sad because I'd gained weight and wasn't feeling so great about myself), and doesn't list off my imperfections when he himself has none (uh, right, this is why so many women are beating down his door - NOT). I would like a man who does love me for me, not only the outside, but my personality, my intellect, my quirks, and my odd observations about life and people...Oh, and a man who actually understands female anatomy and can be emotionally nurturing would be amazing (found one - one out of 17 - who understood female anatomy *aka astounding in bed* but was a bit lacking in the emotional support area).

Yes, I do take full responsibility for the dating of the ill-mannered, non-communicative, and ignorant. I chose to date them and stayed associated much too long with them. I always felt if I just work more dilligently at the relationship that everything will be great but this never panned out, so I would end up pissed off at myself and walking out on said guy. I know this is one of many reasons I have given up searching for a decent man - my own flaws and theirs.

I believe if all women would band together and decide to be treated as we should and not settle, men would be forced to stop being players, acting as though women are naturally toothpick thin, tuning us out, and treating us badly in general. I really do hate Disney and society for instilling the thought that if a woman doesn't have a man there's something wrong with her or she's *gasp and mock horror* gay. I admit there are a few things wrong with me but everyone has a few things wrong with them. It'd just be nice to find a nice guy whose issues don't clash with my issues. I fully understand that one person can't be everything to you and for you, but being a lot more than what I have had would be wonderful. *sigh*

Oh well, once again I am left with working on myself and my life goals, as usual. There are many worse things than being single and occasionally lonely, so I will try to focus on other things on single awareness day - like our cookie baking contest at work. At least I can bake some fabulous cookies and do some cube decorating that will distract me while at work and I don't have to be around couples who remind me of my singleness. Plus, I don't have to share my food, bed, or space with someone else (yet for the right someone else, I would). At least I am not in some unhealthy relationship just for the sake of having one, and that's the best V-day present I can give myself (well, that and the stunningly lovely Liz Claiborne blouse I got on sale for $15 - yahoo)!

Have a lovely week and try to enjoy Tuesday even if Hallmark or Teleflora didn't get a pound of flesh from you or your loved ones.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Have you ever?

Have you ever thought that perhaps your going out to dinner (eating too much crap), little gifts to yourself (crap you don't really need), and little indulgences are only a way to appease yourself because you hate your job and your life?

Have you ever thought what the world would become if all the people trapped in jobs they hate quit them at once? (I think the chaos would be a bit delightful and definitely allow people to move into something that suits them and makes them happy since so many jobs would have openings. I'm sure I would tire of the chaos after a bit but it's a wonderful thought.)

Have you ever thought that you were trapped in your own version of hell and won't allow yourself to get out?

Have you ever thought the world would be a much better place if people treated each other with respect, compassion, and dignity instead of anger, irritation, and suspicion (which becomes more commonplace each day)? Have you ever thought that perhaps your smug assessment of someone as being lazy or stupid is simply your own problem understanding, having compassion, or correctly communicating with them?

Have you ever thought that the studies showing that teens, and people in general, become more violent after watching or playing violent games or listening to violent lyrics really is valid, and is affecting our society in a negative way?

Have you ever thought that maybe you having a huge SUV, wasting water, and/or wasting electricity could be part of the reason that petroleum prices are so high (supply and demand - think about it) and it's selfish/oafish of you to behave in this manner?

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, if large corporations treated their employees with care and consideration, paid a living wage, not expect that the employee take unjustifiably angry and irritable customers and kiss their butts, and treat the employees with respect, that fewer employees would leave that corporation and might even be loyal and caring employees, plus the customers might be forced/learn to be civil?

Have you ever thought that you really don't contemplate enough how all the species of the planet are connected (you're just slogging through life being oblivious) and don't do enough to "give back" to save species or to help your fellow man?

Have you ever thought that each one of us has become more isolated because of the internet, email, cell phones, and many of the other conveniences we say we enjoy? Have you ever become very sad because you understand first-hand how lonely and disconnected from each other we all have become?

Have you ever been very annoyed with yourself because your first reaction to being depressed/stressed is to hide in your own shell (which just seems to worsen things at times)?

Have you ever become annoyed with yourself because one or more of your friends is hurting but you aren't fully "there" for them because you are trying to deal with your own life?

Have you ever felt like everyone else around you is in a happy relationship but you, and you "missed the boat?"

Have you ever wondered if sooner or later all of our good jobs in America will be outsourced to another country and are sincerely worried the U.S. will become a third world country because of greedy businesses and pliant politicians who "bend" to paid lobbyists? Have you ever wondered if a full-blown revolution will ensue in the U.S. as the gap in earnings finally reaches a breaking point between the "haves" and the "have-nots?"

Have you ever thought that you have to stop thinking because it's too depressing and just turn on the t.v. to a mindless show instead?

These are the things I think of and/or do at times...Yes, a bit sobering and a bit depressing.

I will post another of the good things that I think of as well.


Happy Belated Birthday to Me!
(I know, it's a repost but I love this picture)